


teach me your love

by shamelessllamapeanutthing



Series: Izzah's wolfstarbingoficlets [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Cuddles, First Time, Fluff, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Misconceptions, Non-Explicit Sex, Sirius black's questionable upbringing, Virginity, past trauma, virgin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:02:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27918661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shamelessllamapeanutthing/pseuds/shamelessllamapeanutthing
Summary: In which Orion Black and Walburga Black remain awful parents, Sirius has a lot of trauma from his time in the Grimmauld Place, and Remus Lupin is the best boyfriend ever (and the best person to lose your virginity to)
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: Izzah's wolfstarbingoficlets [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2044234
Comments: 7
Kudos: 74
Collections: Wolfstar Bingo 2020





	teach me your love

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt- virgin

Sirius has never had sex before.

He has seen it happen, though.

He can still remember it as clear as if it were only yesterday. He was six and in the wrong place. Looking back, that made no sense. Grimmauld place has always been a vortex of hatred and pain and it consumes everyone who gets caught in it. Sirius had been but a child, starting to understand how things worked in his ‘home’ but still hopeful for… he can’t tell what he hoped for, back then. A hug is the first thing that comes to mind.

He was six and looking in from a crack in his parent’s bedroom door, horrified. All violence Sirius had suffered back then had come from his mother. Cold and aloof as his father was, he had thought Orion was rude at worst. Not… not like that.

He was doing something to Sirius’ mother, who was naked on their bed. Orion himself was fully dressed except for _that._ He was working his hips into Walburga, fast and hard. If the obscene sounds of wet squelching and ruthless slapping of skin hadn’t been enough, Walburga’s teary eyes and muffled sobs gave it away.

Orion… Orion was _hurting_ Walburga.

Funnily enough, Sirius can’t remember what he had done next, what had happened next. Years later he had learned what he saw that day was sex and that all adults did it. It was supposed to happen when two people loved each other. It didn’t look anything like his father loved his mother when he was doing that to her though.

He had sworn he would never do it to the woman he would fall in love with. Quick on the heels of said knowledge came the realisation that Sirius _probably_ won’t be falling in love with a woman at all, but his resolution remained unchanged.

Till Remus Lupin.

Remus, in a few words, is the love of Sirius’ life. Sirius is just sixteen, but he can tell anyway. Remus is kind, smart, brave, beautiful, funny, hardworking, nice, dedicated and adorably shy. Remus is more than Sirius had ever imagined he could come to deserve in life. Even when he had realised he was in love with his fellow marauder, he was sure nothing would ever come of it. He had made his peace with it. He loved Hogwarts, had amazing friends, a seemingly bright future, and most _importantly,_ distance from Walburga and Orion. He was fine.

Then, Remus walked up to him one day, cheeks red and fingers twirling together, and asked Sirius on a date and…

… and everything is perfect.

Remus is the perfect boyfriend, gentle, loyal, caring and Sirius tries his best to be perfect for his Moony as well. He tries his hardest to not let his filthy Black blood infect his relationship with Remus, and not hurt him with his selfishness like he had back in fifth year with the whomping willow muck up. He tries, he tries.

He is not ready to hurt Remus in the name of ‘lovemaking’ though.

As hard as he gets, when they kiss, touch or bite each other, he knows he can never hurt Remus. Remus never tries to push him, but his expectant eyes when their hands and lips start wandering lower and lower across each other’s bodies weigh heavy on Sirius’ heart though, and he hates to think he is disappointing Remus.

This is where them being men becomes convenient, because he doesn’t _have_ to be the one doing the hurting. If Remus wants… if it’d make Remus happy… Sirius would take it.

He is still terrified, because he still remembers. He remembers the brutal thrusting of Orion’s hips, the curl of his fist around Walburga’s throat, the pained wince on Walburga’s face and the whimpers she could barely stifle with her fist. Except it’s Remus and Sirius is starting to see why it’s called lovemaking after all.

You should be willing to be hurt for the ones you love. Love is something you have to earn after all, fight for. It’s not easy, convenient. It never has been. Yet, for some weird reason, Sirius has been blessed with it, so he has to hold on, no matter the cost.

The next time Remus has Sirius pinned on the bed underneath himself, Sirius palms at his erection from over his boxers, sitting up and trailing a series of wet kisses up Remus’s long neck to his panting mouth, before he whispers:

“I want you in me, Moon.”

The darkening of Remus’ eyes and the rough desire becoming visible in his frenzied, mad kisses almost, _almost,_ drives the fear out of Sirius’ mind.

Naked and flush against each other, as they are now, it’s starting to make a reappearance.

“Padfoot?” Moony frowns and Sirius rushes up to kiss him and draw his attention elsewhere. He just needs a second to ground himself. He’ll be fine. He can do this.

Remus lets himself go, falling atop Sirius again, running his hands down Sirius’ sides. It feels nice, and Sirius tries to focus on that and not on what’s coming next.

He fails.

By the time Remus’ fingers reach Sirius’ hip, he is trembling.

Moony looks up, and there’s pain in his face. Sirius is panicking all of sudden and trying to talk himself down from it. He needs to stop being so bloody anxious, he tells himself. He is Sirius fucking Black. He can act cool. He just needs to act cool.

“Well, go on.”

He grins playfully and nudges his hip against Remus’ limp fingers. Remus does not go on.

His fingers find Sirius’ face instead.

“You’re not okay. What’s wrong, Pads? Did I hurt you?”

“No!” _Not yet._ “It’ll be fine.” _Even if you do._ “Come on, Moony.” _Just get this over with._

“You’re trembling, Pads. I am not going to fuck you when you’re so scared.”

A part of Sirius, the part that’s James Potter’s best friend, Orion Black’s son, a Gryffindor and a Marauder, makes him want to protest that he is not, in fact, scared. The better, bigger part of him however, Moony’s Padfoot, covers Remus’ hand with his own and lets the werewolf lift him into his own lap, cuddling him close to his chest.

Sirius rests his head against Moony’s shoulder, and allows himself to find comfort in Remus’ gentle eyes. He just needs to tell him that he needs a second. Then they’ll be fine. Remus can do… whatever he wants.

A minute passes, and then two, and then five. Remus doesn’t try to heat up their embrace even as they go soft against each other. His fingers just keep working through Sirius’ hair, attentive and calming and he kisses Sirius. A lot. Freely so, as well, because Sirius can’t read any expectation in them.

It makes his heart quake in fear.

“Hey, I am good to go. I just needed a second. What do you say I blow you? Put us both back in the mood?”

Remus’ eyes find his again, and Sirius feels something unravelling inside of him. It feels a lot like comfort.

“Not until you tell me what scared you. I won’t touch you again till you tell me what scared you.”

…

Remus keeps his promise.

Sirius tries every trick he knows, from seduction, to bribery. He tries to lie, he tries to assure, he tries to tempt, he tries to coax. Nothing works.

… and yet, Remus doesn’t seem annoyed. He’s as affectionate as ever. They kiss a lot, hug a lot, cuddle the nights away and roughhouse together like the mates they always will be before being boyfriends. To crosscheck, he asks James if Remus seems saddened or disappointed or angry at him.

James gives him a weird look and that’s answer enough.

Remus wants the truth, and as embarrassing as it is, Sirius was already ready to endure far worse to please Remus, anyway.

So he tells him. The explanation is riddled ‘I was kid then and I just got scared’ ‘I won’t be scared now’ ‘I’d do it for you I promise. I’d do anything’ and ‘Moony you have to believe me please I would. I just needed a second’

Remus, on his end, just looks like someone snatched his heart out of his chest and then cracked it into two.

“Padfoot, I… I don’t know what you saw but sex isn’t supposed to hurt. It doesn’t hurt if you do it right. I would never… never even think of hurting you.”

Sirius doesn’t know what to think about it because he _saw_ and he _knows._

For the first time it occurs to him, that like everything else in Grimmauld Place, maybe his parents’ relationship is just as twisted and needlessly dark.

“And you never have to do anything you don’t want to Sirius. Never! Not for me! I’ll understand, I promise you. If you never want to have sex, that’s fine. We can do other things. I won’t be mad at you I promise.”

It sounds like a lie, like… like a miracle.

… but then again, his Moony is nothing short of one.

…

It takes a while and a lot of conversations but Sirius slowly wraps his head around the fact that sex isn’t supposed to hurt, it’s supposed to be pleasurable for both parties, even the one being fucked. His parents had it wrong, like everything else. He doesn’t know how he didn’t see it before but Orion always was a bit of a sadist.

Every time he starts to look sheepish over his misunderstanding and lack of knowledge though, Remus pins him with a glare so fierce Sirius nearly melts because his Moony is so sweet and mild-mannered but he’d go absolutely feral to protect Sirius, even if the one he is protecting Sirius from is Sirius himself.

After a lot of assurance from Remus and with a lot of lube (something Sirius didn’t know of before) Sirius puts his fingers inside Remus… and a few weeks later his cock. He’s no good at fucking yet, though nearly fainting at the tight warmth and the idea of being _inside Remus,_ so Remus rides him. Watching him take his pleasure from Sirius’ body, truly drives the point home.

It takes three months, but Sirius tells Remus to fuck him and it’s as close as he ever believes he’ll get to heaven. 

They work their way through safe words, setting boundaries and talking about kinks. By the third time he finds himself under Remus, his body is loose and his smirk is cocky, tempting.

Delicious even, if he goes by what Moony says.

What Sirius likes best is how Remus cuddles him and peppers his body with kisses after they’re done. He doubts Orion ever did anything like that for Walburga and he feels pity well in his chest.

“I am lucky to have found you. You’re amazing.”

Remus opens his mouth, brow slightly furrowed and nose scrunched in the telltale signs of a self-flagellating rant. He pauses, however, and gazes deep into Sirius’ sleep-heavy eyes for a full minute.

Then, he draws Sirius into a kiss, soft and gentle. Then another, hard and hot. Then another, lazy and careful. And another, wet and playful.

When they’re done, Sirius is breathless and half hard again, even after having cum twice before already. Moony grins, wide and playful and nips his way down Sirius’ neck, his chest and his stomach before dipping down and laying a teasing kiss on Sirius’ balls.

“Of course I am. You deserve nothing less.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment and lemme know what you thought???
> 
> Come scream at me about Harry Potter on [my Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/shamelessllamapeanutthing)


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